Too many things I don’t have...
What do I have?
What does the hero of a story do when she doesn’t know what to do? She looks into herself, does some yoga, drinks a shot of grass juice? Or blames the universe on all the bad things? Takes some action?
Is there anything I haven’t done yet? I mean, I have tried lots of things but looks like I’m going around in circles and I haven’t actually gone anywhere. I’m still here, in my home. Sitting by my window looking outside. Waiting for something?
Actually I don’t want to see anybody right now. I’m pissed at my boyfriend who is my ex by now (only he doesn’t know it yet). And naturally I’m pissed at all men at the moment (I know this will pass. Been there before…). What about women? I don’t even have this magical “best friend”! I’m sorry, I just don’t! Maybe I don’t trust anyone enough.
I’m not quite able to think straight when I only sit here. I have to get outside.
I’m passing my downstairs neighbour’s door on my way out and I stop.
Should I see if he’s home? Why would I do that? To look for sympathy? Consolation? Boost of self-esteem? Could he be my male friend? Come on, don’t even get me started on “can men and women be friends”! It’s too tricky.
I feel lonely and betrayed and it’s just too easy to ring his doorbell.
So I do.
“I’m out of sugar” I say when he opens the door. Lame, I know…
“Are you baking?”
I can see a sparkle of hope in his eyes. He’s eating a piece of my non-existent cake in his mind already…
“No, I’m not baking.”
Disappointment in his big warm eyes. Poor guy!
“So you need it for coffee?”
“I don’t drink coffee with sugar.”
He seems puzzled. Looks like I’m playing games here. Well, why not?
“I…, I just wanted to let you know that I’m out of sugar.”
Then he smiles and asks me in.
“And we made passionate love right then and right there.”
Allright, we didn’t. I’m sorry, I know that you want me to give you something! But we didn’t make love, that’s for sure.
I’ll just close the door and let you hanging there…
I’ll talk to you next Monday!!
To be continued next Monday.