“How can Diane be gay? She’s all over men all the time!” I am really taken by surprise here.
“Well, I’m not supposed to tell you this much but she has had some bad experiences before. Work related…. She was not promoted and she says it was because of her being gay. I mean, I don’t know…”
My boyfriend looks like it’s all a big deal for him. Like it’s his life, his story.
“Anyway, I cannot see her being gay at all. Even at the party she was flirting with men!”
“She does it on purpose. It’s a disguise.”
“I can’t believe somebody would have to do that nowadays. And especially here, in London.” I say.
I am relieved of course but also angry. All this time I thought there was something between them and he didn’t even bother telling me. He must have sensed that I was worried. Did he keep me on my toes on purpose? Why would he do that?
“So she asked you to keep her secret from me?”
“There’s more… I have to tell you something.” He looks like he’s really uncomfortable. What the hell is up here?
“It’s because of her that I’m here,” he confesses.
“I don’t understand.”
“She asked me to come here. She got me the job in London. We had planned it long time ago.”
“We went out for a while, long time ago. A brief encounter. She did go out with men for some time. And then she started talking about how she will never get anywhere in her job back home and that she actually knew somebody in London. But she wanted a good cover up. She didn’t want anybody to know that she’s gay…. She didn’t want to sabotage her career again, so just in case…”
“So what – you had to pretend to be her boyfriend?”
“Kind of. Like I said, she wanted to be sure that she will have no problems here. She’s very ambitious and her career is very important to her.
She did have a lover here already, the same woman she’s with now. So she wanted to live with me to make it seem realistic that we’re together. And…”
“We’re married. It’s just a formality. We’ll get divorced soon.”
I look at my boyfriend and I understand that I really know so little about him.
I start to get a feeling that Diane’s story is our story now. That in a minute it has become my life, too.
And then I remember something.
“The job you got… I was applying for the same position but all of a sudden the job was not open any more and the competition was cancelled… Did Diane arrange that? For you to get it?”
He doesn’t look at me.
“You would have gotten the job. I’m just being honest with you. I’m really sorry,” he mumbles. “But it has actually nothing to do with me!”
I suddenly see a man in front of me who has somehow become extremely small and lame. I don’t even see his cuteness any more. He looks tired and messed up and I even feel sorry for him.
And that’s suddenly all I feel…
“But it’s all over now,” he assures me. “She’s moving out, we’re getting divorced and we can finally start our life. I want you to be here with me.”
We walk in silence for a while. I’m looking for something to say but I don’t even know what we’re talking about any more. This is not the man I dreamed about. The man I quit my job for! And now I can have all of him? Thank you very much!
To be continued next Monday.